Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Thinking of Scott Valley

You want to know something funny, I have a suitcase in my garage full of all my old work clothes, some old wranglers and old t-shirts, and a pair of boots. I've been carrying that suitcase around with me for over 10 years just in case I move back to the valley and go to work on a ranch I'll have all the clothes I need ready to go. Tell me that isn't weird, I saw it the other day and came this close to throwing it all away because I've almost given up on the idea especially since I'm in no shape for farm work anymore, I'm too skinny! I kept it anyway, it's like a long distance connection to the person I once was. They're absolutely right about how a place gets in your blood, there's nowhere I feel more relaxed no matter what I'm doing than out in Quartz Valley. The rest of the world could not exist and I'd be perfectly happy right there. Why is that?

I miss being a part of the ranch and being outdoors doing something on the ranch whether its changing water or driving a tractor or fixing a fence. A friend reminded me that we're only here once, so we have to do the things that we love along the way, not just wait until someday.

Anyway, I guess its part of life that we lose touch with people as our life path changes direction. A friend I hadn't seen in a long time called yesterday and apologized for not being in touch and I said something about "that's OK, its life, you get busy and you run out of time to do those things"...and she said something about "actually, I've changed my mind about that lately and decided its something to make a priority." Her mom and mother in law and another family friend, all in their 80's had been sick lately and the friend will not recover, and she said it was a lesson to her that all of these 80 year old women had gotten so much support from friends that they'd had all of their lifes, that they had taken the time and made the time to maintain those relationships, no matter how busy they were, or what life brought them. I'd like having a few friends who've known me always, know all the aspects of my personality and life and love me anyway, because they choose to, not because we're relatives.

I feel bad, I sometimes wonder about people I knew, especially Ben I wonder how he's doing with married life and living in Phoenix. I wonder what happened to Orion too. Josh is the only person I ever bumped into when I was visiting home a couple years ago.

I remember going to the old timer rodeo a few times, I never made it back for a visit when it was happening, but I did get back to the Siskiyou Fair one time I think I went while I was visiting during college once. Sometimes I wonder what might have happened to me if I hadn't left the valley when I did. Sometimes I think I did the right thing and other times I think I made a mistake. Somewhere along the line my focused shifted to money and I set some goals in that arena that I actually met within a shorter time frame than I had even imagined. I'm not sure what my focus was before that because now I can't even remember, but I do know I was happier before I had any money. Something about life in the valley just made money so much more a secondary issue, something you had to deal with, but not something you were consumed by. I just remember life being simpler but then we didn't have bills to pay when we were kids so of course money didn't matter then.